wing womaning

This post is for my guys. Ari & I are probably the best wing women you could ever hope to have. We can talk anyone into anything, so if you’re trying to get some actiooonnnn…your best bet is to get us liquored up & set us free in any bar. I’ve gotten females for guys in 7 minutes or less & I’ve earned these bragging rights. Most females that have groups of guy friends fuck up any chance their friends have with other girls because they’re there to cockblock, on purpose, & they really aren’t there to help out…even though they say they are. (I’m sure she wants to sleep with, or already has slept with half of the friends circle) I have the “I can get dick on my own, so I don’t need yours” attitude, so I’m all for helping out my guys with getting some eh eh.

So ladies, have you ever had a female come up to you & say “hey, my friend across the bar over there thinks you’re really cute & wants to like buy you a drink” *valley girl voice*. (& you glance over & he looks like a lost puppy) ….What?! This is a wing woman FAIL. You know what I say to these girls? “why don’t you take your balls back to your friend & have him prey on some other weak ass female, & if you ever get this close to my face again…I’ll slam it into the bar”…sorry I got carried away, but you get the drift. This is not the way to be a good sidekick. You don’t want your man friend to seem like a pussy, so instead you need to build him up…confidence or not, he better act like he has it. 

The first step is to down a few drinks, liquid courage is the way to go for any situation. Unless that situation is a job interview. Figure out what rating (1-10 scale) of a guy you’re working with…because if you have a 7, you can’t look for a girl that’s a 10 & vice versa…you don’t want your 9 of a hunk to stoop down to the busted grill on this fine 3 that is hiding behind her pretty friends. Once you kind of know what you’re workin with, you’re ready to go! Scan the bar for someone that he wants to lay it down with & scoot yourself over to that general area, not too close though. At this point it really is all about having fun, when anyone sees people that are having fun…they instantly want to be a part of it. No hard work here.

Slide to the bar when she does, & buy a round of shots…”accidentally” order one too many & ask her if she wants this orphan shot…I guarantee she’ll adopt it asap. DON’T be obvious about it, be nonchalant & cheers her & then IGNORE her. Bitches love being ignored. Sooner or later she’ll shift her way back to us to thank us for the shot, & if she doesn’t then I like to yell “you’re welcome cunt” so that she feels like shit & we go on our merry way. Buuuttt if she does come over then you’ve already won…now it’s time to just build him up until he sounds like tom brady’s brother. I like to say things like “yeah we tried to sleep together once, but he was too big & likes to do all the work…so it didn’t work out.” or tell a story about how he changed my tire in the rain (making him sound like a great friend, even if he’s a douche), or mention that he rescued a 3-legged dog, nursed him back to health & bought him a wheel for his fourth leg. Once she starts swooning, then it’s his turn to jump in & wear his big boy pants. Hopefully after me coaching him, he’ll be able to keep what I had going & nail her. 

This is just one scenario, but I have a million different approaches to wing womaning. I’ve been known to jump off my couch at 11:11, throw on a smoky eye, & save my bro friend from dooming himself to loneliness for the night. So for a free bar tab & a million dollars…we can be there for you too. Our time is nearly priceless but I’m sure we can figure something out. Better than eharmony.com people, wewillgetyoulaid.com/rodriguezsisters.

successful venture

-BR