wtf texty mctexterson

I really don’t understand the male thought process sometimes. This morning I woke up to a text message from a guy that is so annoying to me, that I deleted him off of facebook & deleted his number entirely. He.will.not.give.up. So how did I know that he was the one that sent the text? Because it said “good morning” & it was a picture of……wait for it……himself….and…..wait for it…..it just so happened to be his facebook profile picture?!? I know this because it was his profile pic before I deleted him. Now call me crazy, but what in the fuckity fuck fuck? A) I don’t want to wake up to a good morning text from someone I despise B) I don’t want to wake up to a photo of anyone really & C) wayyyy to be super creative & just send your fb profile pic. I’m at loss for words really. Obviously that doesn’t warrant a response from me at all. With this in mind I decided to lay out the texting do not’s because we all have those annoying people that I swear text you shit just to annoy you.

Don’t be repetitive in your texts – I had this guy that would text me every morning “are you awake yet?”…umm how about you text me something else & if I answer, then I’m clearly awake. If you don’t have something legit to say to me…don’t say anything. Or the text “hi”. Or “hey you”. This is all basically the same shit & just says to me that you are completely unoriginal & bored. You know what I respond to these? I don’t.

‘Good morning’ texts – these are only nice to wake up to if you are in a relationship with that person, or like them. A good morning text from someone that means nothing to you is just annoying. It doesn’t help that I’m not a morning person, so I’m automatically pissed off anyways.

‘I miss you’ texts – again, creepy if they are from someone you don’t miss at all, & awkward because you don’t know what the hell to answer *changes subject*. Very sweet if they’re from friends or people that you actually do miss!

The confrontation text – usually lacking the balls to call the person on the phone, or not being able to wait until you see them in person. If you send me a text accusing me of something or confronting me about something after I just saw you 10 minutes ago, jump off a bridge. Also if you need to ask something, find out about something, or go off on me….please don’t do the 14 page text message that makes my phone go off & have seizures. I rather you text me & say “hey do you have time to talk” & call me or plan to meet somewhere. Arguing via text messages is for pussies. & when you finally do actually talk to the person face to face, it’s awkward because it was never really resolved. Grow up.

The non responder - if you text me, then I text you back….& then you never answer me. Die.

Unacceptable responses – “k” “cool” “lol” especially when I took 30 seconds out of my day to write you something semi meaningful.

The mass texter – you don’t want a mass text asking what you’re up to. Really? Wow I feel really special now, you’re trying to find out what 23 different people are doing all at once so you can peruse your options. Well you can peruse my female dick, because I refuse to be one of your many options. You either want to hang out with me, or you don’t.

Social media freak – it’s so annoying when you text someone & they don’t respond within a decent time/ at all & you know that their phone is attached to their fuckin hand at all times. Oh so you can retweet, update your status, pin something on fuckin pinterest, instagram your dinner, but you can’t respond to a text. Triflin’. You gotta call those hoes out.

…and finally the “I see u” texts – if you’re stalking me, please don’t tell me…I have plenty of those. & all this causes is for me to flip around in a circle & become suspicious of every person/vehicle in my vicinity. How about you just walk up to me, instead of sounding like the craigslist killer?

Basically my friends, the golden rule of texting - text someone as you would like to be texted. & if the other person doesn’t answer, maybe they’re not interested in you & are trying to be polite. & maybe if they test you with something, it’s because they really like you & want you to try harder? What are the answers? Fuck if I know. 

-BR