Last night I was at a gay bar, being served drinks by the
most beautiful woman in the bar, who just so happened to have the biggest dick
in the bar, all showcased on her facebook profile picture where you get a bird’s
eye view of it, crazy. (let's be clear, i may get hit on by lesbians incessantly, but i am not one) And it had me thinking that dating these days is so
crazy, how do you keep track of all these situations that you never saw coming?
Who’s who, what’s what, and where the fuck did that come from? Apologies for my
brain being in a hundred places but let’s talk about it. So because I’m single, I like talking about
relationships and all that it entails, and because I’m a psychology major, I
like analyzing the shit out of everything. Let’s all hope I don’t become the
annoying taylor swift of blogs, but for now I’ll go with it. I don’t see any
Jonas brothers in sight.
If everyone was being
honest, we would all be in the ‘it’s complicated’ relationship in real life.
Facebook approved. Us single folks are in this intertwined death web of dating.
The famous question asked by people who want to catch up on your life in 30
seconds, “are you talking to anyone”? ‘Talking’ - a term created to basically
say that you kind of like each other, probably text often, see each other
sometimes, possibly hooked up a few times, avoid eye contact if you see the
other across the bar, and would be pissed if that other person were also ‘talking’
to someone else. The more you get to know this person you’re ‘talking’ to, the
more you want to know where you stand with them. The ‘what are we?’ type question,
even though you can’t come right out and say that because you would seem crazy.
Why are we always putting labels, names and categories on ourselves and our
relationships? It’s so we don’t go fucking insane, that’s why. Whether you
think so or not, we care about how we are seen through someone else’s eyes, and
that is especially true if you’re dating that person. And depending on how you
feel about them, you might care about what they say, or you might not give a
shit… but bottom line is that you just want to know. You might have several
people you’re talking to, or maybe just one…but you are usually more serious
with one of them and probably just occasionally text the others.
There are also subcategories to dating and everyone
approaches seriousness of ‘talking’ differently. We have the go out to dinner
and not kiss until the 2nd date daters (pssshhhh), the texting only
–ers, the complicated hooker-uppers, the on the way to a real relationshippers,
the ‘we were only friends for years and now we want to see what would happen’ –ers,
the ‘you have no real chance in hell to be with me, but we might as well have
sex only because it’s good’–ers, the ‘I’m only still seeing you because I have
no other options’ –ers, and finally the ‘we don’t ever talk except for the text
at 11pm saying, you should come over’ -ers . All leading to what may be
something serious or what may be a fucking spiral into misery. Once this point
is hit, then it’s nothing but a clusterfuck of emotions, misunderstandings, and
bullshit.
For example, how many of you have been hooking up with
somebody and just simply want to know if the other person is sleeping with
anyone else? Um hi, I don’t want gonnorhea from your tuesday, thursday, saturday
slut. I may be the monday, wednesday, sunday slut, but I just want to know. And
holy koala tits, should we throw in the random friday girl that you met out and
were so intrigued by her charming tits, that you had to take her home? Because
come on, I may have a pretty face, but I’m not oblivious to this whole “dating
game” (will figure out how to define that later). And even the most unfortunate
looking person could possibly be roping in several prospects. But regardless,
no matter how you preface the question, you’ll always come off as the crazy
one. You’re not asking for a commitment, you’re not asking to marry them
tomorrow, but that question scares people. It’s not scary because of what is
being asked, it’s scary because it’s a question in general. Are you trying to
tie me down? Although we want a category for what we are and where we’re going
with whatever we’re doing, or lezbehonest, who we’re doing, but the second
we’re questioned about it, we freak out. Like freak out. If someone asked me a
question about where our relationships stand, whether I like them or not, I
break out in hives. Thick, red, raised welts all over my neck and chest. Like I
think my throat is closing up right now. But it’s human nature to always want
to know what the other person is feeling just to make sure we’re on the same
page, but that never ends well because people.don’t.like.questions. Then here
comes the argument that turns into the conversation of ‘will be ever be
anything, like ever’? What are we allowed to ask, what are we allowed to tell
people about “us”. Is there even an “us”? is it still too soon, or are you
ready to only be “talking” to me, and can we let facebook know that we are now
in a relationship with so and so?! No way, don’t go there…don’t be the one to
ask the questions…let the other person look psychotic. Nothing is ever easy,
it’s never nothing. It’s always something.
-BR
-BR
No comments:
Post a Comment