"this is the remix to ignition hot and fresh out the kitchen; mama rollin that body got every man in here wishin" Sorry suuuper ADD moment cause it just came on my Pandora. But do you remember that song? I'm pretty sure I was in 6th grade when it came out lol
This might start to sound like I might be channeling T Swift for a sec, which is an honor. But I just wanted to go back to when I was 17 and you'll understand why when I'm done.
At 17 I was just starting to feel comfortable in my own skin. I started to appreciate that my body wasn't made like every one of my other skinny friends. I was curvy and for once in my life I loved it. So that confidence carried me all the way to the infamous "Booty shaking contest" at the Lani Kai on Fort Myers beach.
It was Spring Break 08 and I was a senior in high school (hot shit). With a group of friends (who I would be scared to admit were actually my "friends" ahaha) and some liquid courage. When it came time to sign up I was all in, front of the line type shit. There were 8 other girls and I was clearly the youngest. I wasn't intimidated at all :O. So through applause it came down to me and one other girl. With no judgement, she was clearly a stripper. Very "fit" and the whole time I was trying to figure out exactly where her ass was located, regardless she was shaking something. The announcer was getting everybody hyped as he announced the last couple of seconds left of the competition. I look over and stripper was in a full split, I thought to myself that it was over at that point. But to my benefit the wind was blowing particularly hard that day so all I really had to do was bend over, and my ass did the shaking itself. Plussss I had some extra tricks up my sleeve, no where near stripper level but tricks nonetheless. Once again by round of applause the winner would be chosen. First stripper then I. I knew it was over for me, but for her the crowd was at a low roar. I took the opportunity to be my typical asshole self and pretended to do a split, and everybody went nuts. Stripper was a sore loser as I was getting sashed, but in all fairness the name of the game was "booty shaking contest" and the crowd must've been just as confused as I was as to where hers was located. Boy was I proud of that thing; until it was time to go home. Now how do you explain to strict parents how you earned that? I didn't have a clue either, so it went out the window blowing down S29. There is a video somewhere and I hope it doesn't crop up before my children are old enough to comprehend their moms "ways" as a teenager.
Now lets fast forward to Spring Break 2013, lots has changed for me. No I haven't lost my ass, but I gained a husband and perfect baby. =) Annddd perfect baby left some perfect stretch marks and an exit wound, so no contest for me this year. But somehow I figured out a way for all of the attention to be on me, completely unintentionally. On a boat parked a few feet from shore with the loudest and I mean LOUDEST music on the beach, completely drowning out any other entertainment. You couldn't miss us. (I'm going to take the time to give a shout out to Mack Radford and Carisa Langley for always being there for Michael and I. We couldn't ask for better or more faithful friends than they are to us. We love you both!!) So for a while it was just the 4 of us until we wanted the additional entertainment of other drunk assess on our boat. Mack and Michael's meek attempts on some girls was hilarious to Carisa and I. Michael with a beer in one hand and a box of pop-tarts in the other waiving them at the passerby's (I can't make this shit up). He finally decided to jump off and approach groups of girls on the beach. For those of you who are wondering if this made me mad or jealous. Not even a little, we have an incredible bond and trust each other completely. It was pure entertainment for me. I was just hoping he'd use some discretion so we didn't end up with a bunch of busted's on the boat. Finally one girl (one lol) gave in to his cajoling and headed for the boat. By that time a friend of Mack's had joined and was the 5th wheel so it was mandatory for him to have a girl too, only fair. Like a gentleman he jumped down and met her halfway in the water and lead her by hand to the boat and helped her up. (so sweet) I went to grab her a beer and when I came back Michael was introducing this cute freckled face girl to him. And as I was handing her the beer she turned to me and said, "actually you're the reason I came out here, I saw you from over there and thought you were so beautiful and I just want a taste of that neck of yours." My mouth fell open out of complete shock which happened to be the worst reaction timing for me to date. And she completely went for it. I just heard everybody in a 5 mile radius egging it on and I pulled away just as she decided to relocated herself to my neck. Ahhhhhhhh!
Now I have nothing against lesbians, I'm just not one. I too find myself attracted to women sometimes because I believe all women are beautiful from head to toe. But the attraction for me just stops at appreciation and I always tell them if I get the chance because us as women are pretty insecure beings. Well, tbh I've learned to not do so since cutting off all of my hair. Because (and Bianca can back this up too) white girls assume I'm a lesbian, as this girl had. And every other race out there assumes I want their men -__-. Neither are accurate, and I would never ever take back my decision to cut it off. I would do it again in a heart beat, it's hair. And as I learned in cosmetology school, it DOES grow back. Pshhhyeah shocked the hell out of me too! So for those women who cry over 1/4in being trimmed off (I admittedly used to be one of them), I have a few choice words for you.
Anyways back to my attacker. I pulled her away and told her to slow her ass down and asked how old she was. 17 was her answer. 17!!! She sure as hell is the most assertive 17 year old I have ever met. I said, "oh so you're just experimenting then huh?!!" "Nope I've known for a while and you just made me sure." EW! I was completely stunned, nobody has ever approached me that way ever. I can't even say that I was flattered. Knowing her age made me almost sick. I then introduced her to Michael as my husband and he was just grinning from ear to ear. Nobody had heard the conversation we just had because we were screaming into each others ear over the blaring music. They just caught the action part. blehh. She made an exit after knowing I was married, but not embarrassed in the least.
Before judging this poor girl I reflected on myself as a 17 yr old. And all of these naive and careless situations I had put myself in came to mind. At that age we were all so nonchalant about things not realizing the consequences of our immature thinking. For her sake I'm glad she chose me and not somebody else who would have taken advantage of her fragile immature self.
We still continued to have a great time (duh). And eventually made our way on the beach to observe this years booty shaking contest. Which brought back memories of my experience on that exact stage. hahaha smh I was too out of control for my own good. The girl who won definitely earned it. And we left shortly after as the sun was going down.
I hope everyone learned a lesson, (not sure what lesson) but it eases my mind to think I'm not sharing these over the top stories for nothing =0
Have a great day!
-Ari
=)
No comments:
Post a Comment