Are you the kitten or the tiger?

I started writing this blog with the intent of sharing after birth truths to follow up Biancas previous blog on pregnancy, but as I got to writing I realized there was much more depth in the way I felt about myself after having Royce.  So excuse the ADDish thought process (that's just how my brain works yall).

So I want to start by talking about my boobs. Before getting pregnant I was a full B and always wanted bigger boobs to balance out my counter part behind me.  During my pregnancy they increased to a full C and if nothing else that totally made me feel like hot shit.  Even though my weekly increase in weight made me depressed, I still was super proud of my new set of cans.
The day of delivery was literally the best day of my life.  After my spinal block and being placed on the surgery table, I felt brand new.  No more pain or discomfort of any sort, my head was in the clouds and Royce was out within 15 minutes.  That first cry I will never forget.  They sewed me up and sent me in to a recovery room and informed me Royce needed to be in the NICU because he was having trouble breathing.  Can you say panicking???

Now back to boobs.  Within 1 hour they went from a full C to overflowing a DDD bra.  Royce wouldn't latch on so I started pumping like a dairy cow.  And I finally had my dream boobs, they were so huge they were naturally shinny like porn star status.  I was like a kid seeing boobs for the first time.  Squeezing, poking and jiggling them all the time.  I was able to pump for 2 weeks before the milk just stopped coming, not sure why all I know is I'd cry about it way too much thinking I was hurting Royce some how.  And I was crying even more cause porn star boobs turned into empty garbage bags within days.

I am now back down to a small B cup and I've spent wayyyy too much time obsessing over having an augmentation. I truly suffered from Postpartum for at least 6 months. I now had a "mom body", complete with stretch marks and Royces exit wound. I struggled with my self image, not wanting to go anywhere, or even take pictures with my beautiful newborn (stupid).  I felt I lost my identity along with the body I used to have.  Id cry about it all the time as if that would change something.

Then one day I had an epiphany. This body is the one that I was meant to have, made to perfection by my creator.  So did the addition of somethings and the subtraction of other things change who I AM?  Did it make me any worse of a human being?  Did it change my personality or my intelligence?  I had to ask myself, "would I give up Royce to have the "perfect" body back?" Fuck.no.  He's the best gift I could've ever received.  Right then I made the decision to stop feeding my brain with bullshit nonsense about not being pretty enough, skinny enough, good enough.  Because to my husband and that special little boy, I am perfect in every sense of the word.  I've learned to embrace those scars because they are beautiful reminders of my love and sacrifice for my son.

If you are struggling with body image issues, with or without a child, I want you to realize that it is YOU who is feeding your insecurity.  YOU are the one telling yourself you aren't good enough, smart enough, skinny enough, pretty enough.  So it is YOU that has to change your self talk to positive self talk.  If you were to look in the mirror while getting ready every morning and say "damn I look good, I'd eat a plate of me."

 I guarantee you'd hold your head up all day long believing you're the shit.  And there is nothing more sexy than a woman with confidence.(not cockiness, that's furking annoying) All it takes is positive self talk.  I used to stand in the mirror and just observe all my flaws that only I would ever notice. Not any more.  Sure I have stretch marks, small boobs, and cellulite.  But that is exactly what makes me who I am.  It differentiates me from other women, they are not my flaws they are my perfections.

That small shift in the way I thought of myself has changed so many things in my life and opened a lot of doors that the thought "im not good enough" closed.  It is definitely not an over night thing especially if you've been dealing with insecurities from childhood as I had.  But once you make the conscious effort to ignore those nagging negative thoughts and start verbalizing positive self confirmations, you will realize that you have wasted too much time putting yourself down.  It takes just as much effort to say nasty things to yourself as it does to take power over your self confidence.  It is a daily effort but once you get the hang of it, it will just come naturally.  And you know what the best part is?  All of the negative things people will say about you will NOT bring you down anymore.  It will just blow away with the wind because YOU know who YOU are and one persons opinion can NOT change that.  Who cares if someone likes you or not?  Is your goal in life to please everyone or please yourself?  By choosing to please yourself and nurture your self worth, not a soul will be able to convince you otherwise.  And by pleasing yourself you in turn please others because there is nothing better than being in the company of a positive person.  It is the most infectious attitude to embody.  If you love yourself it will be easy for others to love you as well.  Realize you are given one body, one mind, one soul, one life, and the best gift you can give yourself is to be in love with every bit of it.  It starts with YOU.

Have a great day and love the ones you're with!
- Ari

You can touch mine, if I can touch yours...

I’m referring to my belly of course. People always ask if they can touch my belly, I don’t understand the phenomenon, but I like making people feel uncomfortable by telling them they can touch mine, if I can touch theirs (& winking). Being pregnant certainly hasn’t diminished my sense of humor, so I thought I would grace everyone with the truths on being pregnant…I’m sure there are a million articles & blogs that are similar but I mean who are you going to trust…me or them?! “Them” refers to those women who showcase pregnancy as bubbles & flowers floating in a spring meadow as they’re spinning in circles, laughing with their significant other in the sunshine for 10 months & then the baby just floats out of their vagina. So here’s the real deal.

Morning sickness is real – although I had an extreme case of morning sickness, some women experience it, & some never do. Say 100 hail mary’s that you don’t, because it was the worst 5 months of my life. Brushing your teeth turns into gagging & puking fest…& your sense of smell is ridiculous, so that doesn’t help the nausea.  I’ll just sum it up by saying I would throw up after eating or drinking anything, & not the cute/polite throwing up…the exorcism of Emily Rose throwing up. It was projectile & I would almost black out every time from all the pressure in my head.  I was graced with broken blood vessels all over my face, & crawled to the bathroom more times than not. Most of my favorite foods were ruined forever, & no home remedy or voodoo potions worked (& trust me, everyone thinks they have the perfect advice for you). I would cry at the dinner table because eating was so frustrating. It finally subsided after 15 weeks, but even with medication I was still sick until about 20 weeks. (PS I lost 36lbs)

Hungry hippo status – food is everything. If you don’t eat within a few hours, you start to feel nauseous & don’t know if you’re going to be sick or if you should eat. Always eat…it’s hard to when you feel queasy, but that’s the only way to fix it. Always have snacks on you…because trust me, you don’t know the definition of angry & hungry until you’re pregnant. Hangry.

The way food tastes changes – cravings are definitely a real thing, & when you finally get a hold of the peanut butter, mac & cheese, or fried okra, it’s like you just smoked a little ganja & fulfilled a munchies dream. The food tastes so.damn.good. On the other hand, food you once loved becomes grotesque. I couldn’t eat chicken for 6 months…& I would take a bite of something & practically spit it back out because it was disgusting…even foods I’ve always loved. Shit is weird.

Stretching skin huurrttss – I’ve always heard that your stomach is itchy, which is true…but worse than that it hurts so bad. I’ve heard mixed reviews for girls vs. boys because girls sit a lot higher…but let me tell you…when the skin right under your boobs starts to protrude & stretch, you can feel it all the way around your sides & back because your tendons & ligaments are freaking the freak out. Every day it my skin gets tighter & tighter & it feel s like she’s going to just rip out of my abs, or lack thereof.  Oh & the baby moving for the first time does not feel like “butterflies”…more like 2 eels got loose in your uterus & are flipping around the coral reef.

Hormones are on another level – things that would normally annoy you, make you go into a hulk-sized rage. Things that would normally make you smile, send you into tear fest 2013. You seem like an insane psycho path because you become so passionate about everything. Your feelings get hurt easier. Things people say offend you…& you overreact constantly. “crazy bitch” doesn’t even describe your inner monologue. And never ask a pregnant woman “aren’t you SO excited!??!”…we are excited, trust me…but there are so many worries going on in our minds about the baby & it’s health, & whether the pregnancy is going the way it’s supposed to…we have no idea what emotions we’re feeling.

Your body isn’t a wonderland – stretch marks look like surface tape worms, you form a happy trail & hairy belly button, your nipples look like they got baked in an oven at 500 degrees for 30 minutes, you don’t look pregnant until you’re at least 6 months…so you just look fat…& the need to shove your face doesn’t convince people otherwise. Acne. Take your chin & triple it…your feet & hands swell & look like canned sausages.  You can’t reach your legs to shave them, so you turn into Chewbacca because the effort isn’t worth it. Your vag starts to hurt. I read that there is an increase in blood flow to that area, so it starts to be painful to sit. Yeah that happens. In fact, everything hurts. Having to lay on your sides & having acid reflux means I have to sleep on stacked pillows, so most of my weight is on my hips...so I have canada sized bruises on my hip bones constantly. Ever think of that one?

Doctor’s appointments are torture – you get to be weighed every time. You get blood drawn a million times by people who don’t know how to work needles. Nobody has any regard for your private parts. You get prodded & touched everywhere…& even if you don’t pull your pants down far enough for an ultrasound…they just pull them down for you. The ultrasound jelly gets stuck in your belly button. You get asked every single question you could ever imagine…& answering the question about how many sexual partners you’ve had in front of your MOTHER isn’t favorable…so don’t take her to your first appointment, just an fyi.

Your body is always 15 degrees hotter – although to you, you swear you’re about to burst into flames. Most of my pregnancy was spent during the summer months, & it was absolute torture. Gallons of cold water are a necessity & I had to by a fan to have on me at all times along with the a/c because I was freezing everyone out of the house…& I was still soooo hot with hardly any clothes on. Simple tasks of going to the grocery store seems like a death sentence…you’re easily overheated, look crazy for having a gallon of water with you & have to trot your swollen feet up & down the aisles to create a dinner that you won’t have the energy for cooking once you get home. Pregnant women “glowing” isn’t real…that’s just sweat & left over makeup that hasn’t run down your face yet.

You’re narcoleptic – I fall asleep everywhere. Even in church. If I stop talking, I’m snoozing…so I try to stay engaged. Hah that’s a joke, I just nap a lot.

Body functions go cray – saying you pee a lot is a joke, because that becomes your whole life. I do nothing unless I know a bathroom will be easily accessible. Now at 32 weeks, I’m pretty sure I use the bathroom at least every 20-30 minutes…also a fun fact…having a full bladder can cause false contractions (it’s happened to me)…so no holding it ladies!! You can’t poop normally & a lot of medications cause constipation. Acid reflux is terrible. You can’t eat anything without some pepcid & a thousand tums. So just be prepared to be on all kinds of meds just to fix one basic problem. Your body is freaking out.

And finally, everyone thinks they know everything – aunt betty has all the right advice, the chick that just had her kid promises “it’s all worth it” & your mother doesn’t remember having any of these complications when she was pregnant, so everyone just dismisses you. Trust me, you will hate everyone, but at the same time, I know it will be worth it…& I know once I meet my little princess, I’ll forget all the tortures of pregnancy. Butttttttt that’s why I wanted to write this, as a personal remembering device so that I’m not so quick to be thrown into baby fever once little miss gets older. USE PROTECTION. KBYE.

So you won't be "that girl" with the drunk hair

Since I have a mohawk (I can no longer consider it a fauxhawk), I decided to show you bitches with long hair how to be more like me.  I will show you or explain a couple of different techniques that can benefit you in other hair-do's.  And I'll also show you different options throughout for you to achieve a different end result.

What you will need:

Hair spray, teasing or a regular comb, paddle brush, bobby pins, pony tail holder, and three fingers.

A little inspiration

 

1. Section your hair into 3 vertical sections stopping about an inch behind your ear. The middle section you can make as wide or narrow as you'd like depending on what you're comfortable with.

2.  We are going to start by backcombing (teasing) the middle section using your teasing or regular comb. Take 1/2 inch horizontal sections. Drop out the first section without teasing. Lightly spray each section.  When you are teasing, pull your hair straight up holding it at the ends.  Using your comb, start at the base of your hair and slowly backcomb moving up the strand half an inch at a time. Focus on "packing" your hair to the base by pushing the hair all the way down and releasing before moving up. 

How not to tease: By quickly moving the comb up and down, this will not set a good base that you need to create volume.  

If your hair is standing straight up on it's own you're doing a great job =)

Go section by section stopping an inch behind the ear. (your arms probably feel like they are going to fall off by this point)

3.  Clip up the entire middle section including the section that you dropped out just to get it out of your way.  Hair spray the sides and slick them back into a tight pony tail.  

The more tight and smooth it is the more dramatic the end result will be.

4.  Now focusing back on the middle section, you are going to comb out the backcombing with your paddle brush so your hair is smooth and not looking like a birds nest.  I know it seems counter productive but if you teased correctly the volume will still be there.  When I do this I like to start at the back working my way

 forward.  

At this point you could leave your hair as is.  Brush it back, spray it, and allow it to hang freely.  Add pins underneath close to the ponytail if need be.

And this is what it would look like:

5.  I'm going to move forward and show you more options to jazz it up a bit.  Drop that first section out again.  Take a one inch horizontal section and place two or three fingers about mid shaft.  Wrap your hair around your fingers to the end of the strand.  Then roll your fingers all the way down to the base and pin it until it feels secure.  

On my doll I shifted the roll to one side so one open end is bigger than the other. Placement of the roll is personal preference depending on what looks better to you.

6.  Taking the exact same steps as in the first section, I pinned this sections open end opposite to the first.  Notice the first section is closed and second is open.

Again it's all about preference, play around with it a little bit!

7.  You can continue to use this technique all the way back.  But my doll had about a 1 1/2 in section left so I decided to divide the section in half vertically making two rolls.

8.  I will be pinning the front section back over top all of the rolls making a pincurl at the very end to blend with the back.

  *Keep in mind that the bald gaps you see on the sides will not be there since nobody has hair like a doll head with 15 hairs per square inch*

This is another place where you can leave your newly formed faux hawk! Slicked back into a ponytail is super sexy and a less formal option.

9.  Continuing on for the people who have short hair, or for anyone who doesn't want it in a ponytail.  Using the same rolling technique, make a roll with the ponytail and pin to the back of the head. 

Make sure it is touching the back of the rolls to look like a continuation and not a mistake. 

My finished product:

Viva la faux hawks!  Don't be afraid to step out of your boring comfort zone of having straight or curly hair.  It's a time saving alternative since there is no straightener or curling iron needed.  This hairstyle is bold and sexy af in any way that you decide to design it.  I mean...check me out ;) A great night out or partying look that wont have you looking a hot mess by the end of the night. Especially since drunk hair happens to the very best of us. Not so great for church but to each her own.  And of course I would love to see all of your creations!

Have a great day and love the ones you're with

-Ari

Hair-Bow for my classy bitches

   I've seen this on pinterest a lot lately, very cute spring/summer look.  I wanted to show you guys my step by step version of the bow.  I think this is perfect for when you have bed head and are trying to rush out of the door without looking a hot mess.  I'd say 3 min or less from start to finish.

What you will need:

Hair, a light hairspray, comb or bristle brush, 2 bobby pins, and a hair tie. 

Optional: smoothing serum, and a headband. 

 

1. This baby was just washed and air dried.  This look would be perfect for straightened hair on day 2 or 3.

2. If you have frizzy hair you can add a serum, or light hairspray to smooth all of your hair back into a high ponytail.  I'm also a fan of the messy look so just throwing it up will work too.

3.  This part is a throwback middle school technique with the half pony tail.  If you have thick hair you can leave about 2 inches of a tail.  If you have thinner hair like this doll, leave about a 3 or 4 inch tail.  

*BTW I made mine a little off center just to make it look more interesting*

4. Split the whatever you want to call it in half like so

5. You can give it a light spray as you make each bow ear wider to give a more full effect and not floppy ears.  Then take the tail (I recommend to spray it before) and wrap it around to the front and secure it with a bobby pin.  With the excess tail you can wrap it around the ponytail holder, and pin it or tuck it under your ponytail holder.

6.  Like so =)  #5 can be your last step or take it a little further.

You can add a headband (I had to make this out of lace I had in a junk drawer because obvi I can't use headbands anymore).  Without teasing the front I just pulled the hair out a little from the base to add volume. 

And for my classy gangstas holllllaaa; I didn't forget about you ;)

I hope everyone tries it!  It really is as simple as it looks.  If you have any questions feel free to ask.  Also if you have any hair-do's you can't seem to get right, throw them my way and I can break it down for you in a future tutorial. It would be cool to see the pretty bows you made or comments about how this tutorial worked for you =) I hope ya'll enjoyed this as much as I did doing it for you! 

Have a great day and love the ones you're with

-Ari   

   

for Sweden, the beloved native soil

Throughout our childhood, Ari & I explored different entertainment options, as any child normally does, we would be obsessed with something for about 3 days & then lose all interest in it whatsoever. Every single time my parents would pour money into some ridiculous hobby, only for us to hate it almost immediately. There were so many things I can remember:  we were on a cross-stitching stint where we both made intricate cat pictures that never actually made it onto a pillow or anything (where is that I wonder?), there was basketball, crocheting, softball, building forts in the back yard out of things we would steal from the garage, pretending that our dolls were real people & styling/shaving their heads, painting (which ari was actually good at), board games, lots of board games (I think we played monopoly for 72 hours straight at a time), card games, tennis, magic trick kits, scrapbooking, 4 wheelers (which ended in us crashing it into a tree & bending the handle bars so we couldn’t ever turn left after that), the Barbie corvette (same fate), baking various desserts (where baking soda was used instead of baking powder *gag*), remote control boats, & I think at one point I was convinced I would be a synchronized swimmer…the list goes on. & every time our parents would support our venture as if we hadn’t given up on some other ridiculous thing the month before.

One day, my dad brought home an organ (a mini piano thingy) that he found at a yard sale & of course I took to it right away. Even though I am the talent-less one of the family, I’m always the first one to try anything because I wanted so bad to be good at something. The only issue with this thing is that I didn’t really know how to read music, & the pre-owned organ only came with one music book. The book just so happened to be a compilation of the national anthem’s of every country possible. Oddly enough I became very good at it & pretty impressive that I taught myself to read music, if I say so myself.

The organ started out in the living room downstairs, & then one day I noticed that it had been moved upstairs where my room was. I thought this was great because it was closer to my room & I could play whenever I wanted. Soon I found that the organ was moved once again, into my closet in my bedroom. Now my closet at home is probably the size of a kitchen so it’s not like it didn’t fit uncomfortably but I finally got some sort of hint that my parents were sick of having to hear me play all these national anthems on repeat. So imagine, 10 year old Bianca, with puffy, shoulder length triangle hair, pushed back into a headband… in a baggy t-shirt & basketball shorts sitting upstairs in her closet, blaring “O Canada” on the organ. I think my parents thought that I would give this one up (because it was the most obnoxious) but I did not. 

When I would get into arguments with my parents, they would send me to my room…so my revenge to them would to just play as many national anthems as I could in my closet…over & over again. I don't even think they could hear me half the time, so I guess I was punishing myself which is pretty humorous. Remembering all this made me realize what a brat I was with all these crazy hobbies & how great my parents were with making sure that we had what we wanted & needed (or thought we needed). With all that being said…I would just like to say that I am beyond blessed for my parents. They have truly been the rock(s) in my life. With all my ridiculous things that I become interested in, with everything that I’ve gotten into, that they’ve helped me through & helped me overcome, I couldn’t imagine what my life would be like without them. They’ve made me exactly who I am today, my personality, sense of humor, intelligence, sarcasm, & with my heart on my sleeve….everything that I am, is directly related to how my parents raised me & how much of an influence they’ve been in my life…with the good, the bad, & the ugly. I honestly get so sentimental when I think about it, & I’m embarrassing myself right now by tearing up in public…but I love them with every ounce of my heart. <3

So, when people annoy you with the question of sharing your “hidden talents”…or “is there anything that most people don’t know about you” type questions – nobody, & I mean NOBODY expects for me to tell them that I know how to play every countries national anthem on the organ (my favorites to play are the Swedish, Canadian & the best… United States National Anthem)........O'er the land of the free and the home of the braveeee *play ball*.... please share with me, what don't I know about you?

there she is

i was cultured by accident

-BR

Let's talk about hair.

Aside from talking about Royce and my family, talking about hair is my FAVORITE thing to talk about.  To the point where Bianca would always tell me before going out to a bar "just don't start talking about hair".  Even shit faced I can riddle off facts and suggestions for hours.

*interjection* I also wanted to share an update on my hair growth process; I haven't cut it yet.  I just trim around the hairline whenever it's on my last nerve.

No Filter- lmao I love when people say that

Anywho yesterday I was doing some shopping at Target and happened to cut through the box color isle.  A lady stopped me, and asked if I colored my hair.  I said no I'm all natural (she didn't pick up on my sarcasm and gave me a blank stare -_-).  I told her that I'm a cosmetologist so I color hair but not my own.  She said, "oh how perfect then."  I could feel the jitters building up inside me as I was so excited about the coming questions. (too out of control for my own good).
She had a box of Feria in her hand, which in my mind is the devil of color brands.  I damn near slapped it out of her hand.  Although the pictures on the box portray some of the most attractive colors available it is very deceiving.  This particular brand contains metallic dyes.  Metallic dyes actually dull the hair and progressively change the color of your hair leaving behind metallic salts and a gross color.  These metallic salts have a negative reaction to hydrogen peroxide.  For those of you who get yours professionally done, you'll notice that they always ask (I hope!) when the last time you had a chemical treatment and what kind was it.  That question can save your hair from being green, blue, or having no hair at all.
I also showed her boxes that say "no ammonia".  When people see that they assume it will be healthier for their hair.  Also not true.  No ammonia means there is an alternative chemical that produces the same reaction as ammonia.  Which may or may not be more harsh on your hair.  So I also consider those a no go.
A quick explanation about ammonia.  All permanent color contains ammonia.  When mixed with hydrogen peroxide it creates a chemical reaction that opens up the cuticle of your hair to drive the color molecule into the shaft.  It is a necessary component to permanent hair color.  The percentage of ammonia in the product is the important variable.  Professional lines typically have the least amount. (no, box color is not a professional line).
ALSO the most important thing I feel is to NEVER ever lighten your hair with box color, not even by one level.  The thought of people actually doing that makes me cringe.  You are guaranteed to damage your hair, bad. So if anything go darker.
I told her I totally understand that a professional job in this economy is financially tolling.  So I helped her pick the best product within her budget and explained about the application and after care.  She was the sweetest lady ever, she told me she appreciated my honesty and not trying to lure her into my own services. She thanked me for my time (2 1/2 hours) and went on her way. =) It was a great experience for me and I hope it was for her too.
Now I want to share with ya'll what I didn't get a chance to share with her.  It's a way to save money on hair care products by giving you the facts about them.
While going to Paul Mitchell the School Jacksonville (hollllllaaaaa) we had the opportunity to meet with a number of professionals from every aspect of the industry.  I enjoyed them all so much, taking what I could from each and applying the knowledge.  But the one speaker that just amazed the shit out of me was a lady named Brenda Duval.
Brenda is a chemist for Paul Mitchell Systems, meaning that she is the innovator and creator of alllll of the Paul Mitchell products (incredible that she was standing right in front of me).  She is very funny, kind, laid back and easy to talk to. She started by telling us her story of how she became the person she is today and then opened up the floor for questions.  You could ask her ANYTHING you could think of about a product, its purpose, how to use it, how to not use it, the components within the product, etc. She never missed a beat, it was amazing.  But one student asked, "what is the difference between the shampoo you make and a shampoo that you can buy at the grocery store."  I'll never forget her response.  She laughed as she said, "any chemist can make soap, no soap is better or worse.  It's just soap."  She told us that one of her good friends was the chemist for Pantene.  She explained the difference between the two products with complete honesty.
*my recommendations*
If you had your hair colored professionally, I highly recommend to buy their lines "color protect" shampoo and conditioner to maintain your color longer.  A generic product or another professional lines color protect will not maintain your color as well (and after all, why would you pay so much to have it done and not invest in maintaining it? You might as well throw your money down the drain)   Pantene I would only recommend to people who have virgin hair, meaning no color or chemical treatment at all in your hair.  Their shampoo and conditioner contains a fatty molecule that sits on top of your hair strand giving it that crazy beautiful shine you see on tv.  Now if your hair is already chemically treated, when the fatty molecule sits on your hair it will cause breakage because your hair is too weak to support it.  No good.  I wouldn't recommend VO5 or Suave, do I need to explain why?  As far as everything else, I believe it would come down to your own preference.  If something isn't working for you i.e. your hair is still dry or oily.  Try a different product or different line until you are satisfied.
I'll be forever grateful for the knowledge Brenda shared.  And for all of my Gainesville friends, she has her own salon called "Beach Break Salon" it is right on University.  If you're looking for great hair on a budget that would be the place to go, she genuinely isn't interested in breaking your bank.  She understands her clientele includes broke college students =)
If you have any questions for me please please puhleassse ask.  If I don't have the answer, I will find it.  You'll probably make my day =)

Have a great day and love the ones you're with
-Ari